dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
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I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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