I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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