She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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