If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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