I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
