drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
