He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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