Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
