Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
