I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
