to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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