I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
