I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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