I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
