Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
