I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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