I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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