Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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