swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
All I want is dick and wine.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
