She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
