You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
