my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
