I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize