Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?