Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.