You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.