and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.