to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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