I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.