I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??