If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
