Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
