Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
