I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
