Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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