I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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