Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
