OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
