This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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