its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
