Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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