If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
