Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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