The maid of honor just puked.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
