did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
