Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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