I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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