if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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