Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
