Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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