I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
