dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I want a musical about memes.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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