I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
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i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
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I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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