i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
drinking out of a sandbucket again
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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