So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
