I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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