Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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