i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize