Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
