my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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