Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
