you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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