No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
