the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
