i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
