is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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