What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
