All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
