She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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