i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
